What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do?
This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were
airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we'd credit the
author if we knew who wrote it!
If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards,
captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same.
Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that
you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you
without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The terminal is
pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding,
and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes
with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air
Just like Windows
Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other
aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Windows XP Air
You turn up at the
airport, which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft
are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The
signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops
up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage
and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase
identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket
cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight
entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated
over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a
meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to
the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what
destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in
Canada.
Windows Vista Airlines:
You enter a good
looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a
security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to
continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what
cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the
planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the
question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are
bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to
fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.
Once on the plane,
every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they
are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the
captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to
so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he
asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or
Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".
After takeoff, the
pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new
plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane
to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the
planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing
gear driver update.
You arrive at your
destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than
trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions
that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.
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